


The Circumstances of an Otaku: A Mayuzumi Chihiro Self-Insert Fanfic

by Bondmaiden



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Crack, Innuendo, M/M, Prequel to The Melancholy of Kuroko Tetsuya, just Mayuzumi being a shady book dealer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-08 23:02:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5516489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bondmaiden/pseuds/Bondmaiden
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <i>He shouldn’t have done that, really, because when he whispers it’s all breathy and goes in very wrong ways. “Do you have any preferred places to do this, Mayuzumi-san?”</i>
  </p>
</blockquote>Being Teiko's Book Dealer, Mayuzumi Chihiro makes strange acquaintances along the way.
            </blockquote>





	The Circumstances of an Otaku: A Mayuzumi Chihiro Self-Insert Fanfic

**Author's Note:**

> I realised I had this up on my tumblr but I hadn't posted it up on AO3. :'D This was written for The Rare Pair Challenge sometime ago, and it deals with Mayuzumi's first meeting with Kuroko Tetsuya. **Consider this fic as a prequel to[The Melancholy of Kuroko Tetsuya](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2029833/chapters/4403682)**. And Mayuzumi being Mayuzumi, of course, you'll get this fic.

Approximately 7 billion people currently exist on this very planet called Earth. About 127 million of them populate Japan. And roughly 13 million inhibit the intricate system that is the Tokyo metropolis. From all forms of life, to club hostesses to otaku to teachers to chief executives, he thinks he’s seen all there is the world has to offer.

By right, all these ridiculous statistics Mayuzumi analysed for Research Methodology II would’ve explained a strange phenomenon that has been plaguing his daily life. A strange phenomenon whereby the apparition of a pale boy keeps popping out from behind walls and scaring the piss out of him.

A strange phenomenon he named Ghost Boy.

The last time he checked, he’s 100% sure he’s not the protagonist of some seinen manga that’s trying to make it big on Tokyo’s shelves. At most, he falls under the stereotyped ‘loner geek otaku’ wandering the solitary panels of a main character’s life. If it’s an adventurous title, then he’d most likely be the first to die anyway. White-haired pretty boys always go in the end—it’s a fact proven by Mirai Nikki’s Akise Aru, Evangelion’s Nagisa Kaworu, and Pyscho Pass’ Makishima Shogo.

Even if God sent Ghost Boy in hopes of seeing Mayuzumi in some deep psychological shit like Madoka, God probably underestimated his ‘loner geek otaku’ prowess. He knows how to avoid these strings of uncanny events.

And then he gets cornered in the washroom one fine day, how about that.

\- - -

“I’ve been trying to catch you, Mayuzumi-san,” Ghost Boy says. He acts as if he didn’t just manifest out of thin air from behind the fern potted plants near the sinks, like he hasn’t been standing there watching Mayuzumi holding his dick and trying to pee without paranormal disturbances. “I need to talk to you about something.”

“Good timing you have there,” Mayuzumi snorts, rolling his eyes. The mysterious materialisation of Ghost Boy forces him to zip up, unless he wants to have a face-off with his dick hanging out. “Can’t you just wait a second longer?”

Ghost Boy lacks the decency to look ashamed of himself, judging from the slight lowering of his eyes as he follows the trail of Mayuzumi’s shoes from the urinal to the sink. Reflected in the mirror, Mayuzumi takes a moment to appraise the entity currently standing with him in Block C’s washroom, calmly rinsing his hands.

With blue hair looking like things Mayuzumi’s sure it shouldn’t be capable of, gingham shirt from some bad resale shop, and loose denims covering some ratty sneakers, the senior is rather certain this kid probably died after getting flushed in a toilet bowl somewhere in the university. Someone should’ve exorcised this place to free the tormented spirits.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to come to you at a bad timing,” the ghost spoke after a while. Mayuzumi dries his hands with some ripped-up paper towels from the dispenser and observes the subject carefully. “I heard from Nijimura-senpai that you have some secondhand books to be sold to the juniors. I needed a few titles for my next class.”

At this, Mayuzumi skeptically raises a brow. He aims the crumpled paper towel at the nearest bin and flicks his wrist. The white ball lands in the heart of the goal. Satisfied, he looks at Ghost Boy again.

“Books? You want books from me?”

“Yes, books,” the ghost echoes, nodding. For some spirit who supposedly haunts him, Mayuzumi thinks he’s blessed to have gotten the pretty one. “Nijimura-senpai said you have the best connections for all faculties if they ever needed anything.”

_…_ _damn that rainbow bastard_ , Mayuzumi thinks. _It’s about time someone throws him out of the campus._ “You make me sound like a shady dealer.”

“That’s what he called you,” Ghost Boy reaffirms flatly. “You’re Teikō’s Book Dealer.”

_Damn him to hell._ “No, I’m not.”

“You already act the part, since you disappear when I try to catch you. If that isn’t suspicious enough, I don’t know what is,” Ghost Boy argues. He’s clearly proven a malevolent spirit, and Mayuzumi no longer wonders why someone dunked him to death in the toilet bowl. “So when I saw you just now, I had to take my opportunity. Honestly, it’s a bit hard to find you, Mayuzumi-san.”

“That’s because I don’t like to hang around aimlessly,” he says. “I’d rather go home as soon as possible since I’ve got better things to do.”

At this, Ghost Boy hums his undeniable agreement and peers at him through half-lidded eyes. When he’s deep in thought like this, his chewed bottom lip sticks out like a sore demand for a kiss. Which is, by all scientific standards, not in Mayuzumi’s expertise.

_This kid better not be an incubus trying to seduce me in goddamn daylight,_ he thinks. _Or better yet, he better not be one of those ghosts who can’t go to Heaven unless they accomplished something they regretted not doing. I am **not** kissing that thing._

Save for the fact that he self-studied the art of kissing through graphical renditions of 2D art instead of putting theory into practice, it’s a justified response.

“Well, Mayuzumi-san, will you hear me out?” Ghost Boy says again, tipping his head to the side. Bathed by the morning sunlight flooding through the ventilators, he’s a dark silhouette casting murky shadows on the tiles. Do ghosts have shadows? “Without your help, I don’t think I can acquire those books for a cheap price.”

This, this is where Mayuzumi pockets his hands into his day-old jeans and studies the spiritual entity. Determination is the first thing he fleshes out from the kid’s eyes, followed closely by awareness. Awareness of what, that Mayuzumi isn’t bothered to scrutinise. It’s not in his field. As long as Ghost Boy knows about the Law of Equivalent Exchange, he’s good to open his trade.

Lips barely tugged into a smirk, Mayuzumi leans against the sink and says:

“So, what’s in it for me?”

\- - - 

Ghost Boy, apparently, owns a name and a matric card for Teikō. ID number XAC111-11 seems easy enough to be remembered in case Mayuzumi needs to hunt him down later.

“Kuroko Tetsuya?” Mayuzumi flips the card and scrutinizes the standard university protocol printed on the back. He needs to make sure this kid didn’t illegally fake one – but then again, who in their right mind would fake a matric card just to take on the crippling debt of university students. “Huh. What’s your major?”

“Literature.” Ghost Boy – Kuroko Tetsuya, Mayuzumi reminds himself – helpfully supplies. “I hear you’re also majoring in literature, Mayuzumi-san.”

_So that should be senpai to you_ , he wants to retort, but figures it isn’t worth it. This kid seems too mouthy to shut up after a rebuttal anyway, and going back and forth is exhausting. Chihiro just wants to conserve enough energy to get home so he can run a few episodes of Aldnoah Zero before shutting down. So he continues strolling on the pavement, checking the roads and crossing.

“Huh. That from Nijimura too?”

“Nijimura-san knows everyone, after all,” Kuroko says, easily keeping up with Mayuzumi’s broad steps. The coloured files of notes bounce around in his clutch as they roll down the stairs, heading towards the cafeteria together. “He’s a social magnet. Everyone flocks to him.“

And Mayuzumi isn’t really surprised to hear that. He grunts and nudges the glass doors since Kuroko’s hands are full, to which his junior thanks him quietly under his breath. “Not kidding, since he’s our Student Council president.” Mayumi, of course, duly leaves out the bit where he wants to go _someone should overthrow him already, he’s way past the expiration date, start a revolution or something._

(His wish will bite him in the ass in the future.)

Together, in odd synchrony Mayuzumi thinks it isn’t possible for two humans, they stride purposefully towards clusters of students crowding the outdoor cafeteria. When met with a groupie, they break apart – only to rejoin seamlessly like someone choreographed their entire life as a musical. Kuroko’s fluidity rivals a shadow, eerily enough, with Mayuzumi as his dance partner.

They grab a seat across each other at the most quiet corner of the cafeteria; Mayuzumi’s self-proclaimed territory. It’s his favourite spot, being the closest to the plug point in case he runs out of juice while torrenting anime. And the sooner they start, the sooner they can go home.

"So,” Mayuzumi begins, “how do you want to do this?”

Kuroko, bless the boy, blinks at him slowly. The slow drag of his eyelashes reminds Mayuzumi of the camels in the documentary he watched the other day. “I don’t mind doing it anywhere, Mayuzumi-san.”

It gets Mayuzumi opening his mouth, only to shut it with a click. _Did this kid just—? Or was that just all in my head?_ Considering his mind is a mixture of 2D culture and excessive fan-service, Chihiro knows better than to answer. A grunt is the safest reply he musters. “Hmph.”

By right, the dismissive sound should’ve been rightfully interpreted as something rude, but Kuroko Tetsuya has apparently acquired the immunodeficiency to rudeness. How exactly, nobody would ever know. Instead, he leans closer to Mayuzumi and drops his voice. He shouldn’t have done that, really, because when he whispers it’s all breathy and goes in very wrong ways.

“Do you have any preferred places to do this, Mayuzumi-san?”

_Very_ wrong ways.

“Should’ve stuck to the fourth floor toilet,” Mayuzumi muses to himself, feeling a headache coming on. _Think about Ore no Imouto and its shitty ending. Think. God, I fucking hated[Ayase’s](http://oreimo.wikia.com/wiki/Ayase_Aragaki) yandere route on the PSP. _ “It’s the quietest place I know.”

“But it echoes in there and we could be overheard,” Kuroko points out. His obliviousness is astounding. If he’s acting, someone should hand him an Academy award. “Even though I’m not a very loud person, the cleaner might walk in on us. We could be reported to the HODs.”

Mayuzumi’s left eye twitches. Just _what_ exactly is this kid implying? “Do you even hear yourself? They can’t hear shit if this is your maximum volume.”

Kuroko blinks. With his big eyes and girlish features, he shouldn’t look _this_ close to a moe anime heroine. “That’s true, but Aomine-kun, Kise-kun and Kagami-kun taught me how to be loud. Please do not underestimate me.”

Are they really going down this path? _Just exactly how many guys banged him anyway?_ Still, a deal is a deal, and he’s a very professional man despite his deceiving homebody appearance. “Pick a place and pay, kid. I don’t have much time.”

Thankfully, Kuroko looks thoughtful at his barking. Maybe this time he’ll spout something less— “I _have_ a car.”

This is tragic. Mayuzumi has the most insane urge to laugh at how things are turning out. Is this how it is? _Fine, two can play this game_. If his life is destined to be a tragic RomCom chock full with innuendoes and unreleased sexual tension, coupled with fan-services from [Date-A-Live’s Yoshino](http://date-a-live.wikia.com/wiki/Yoshino) wannabe and a shitty PSP port, he’ll take it head on.

So Mayuzumi leans into his chair, crosses his legs, and props his arm against the next chair. He cocks a brow. “The question is, am I going to fit in there?”

There, he said it. That’s loaded gun, point blank, just waiting to be fired. It’s the first and the last time he’ll ever actively participate in dirty talking with a random stranger, much less his junior in his campus. Mayuzumi _almost_ wants to smirk in amusement when Kuroko puts his hand on his chin and appears lost in thought again, _almost_ smelling the victory when the kid starts sizing him up, but then—

“I’ve had bigger men with me before, please do not worry,” Kuroko helpfully supplies with a nod. “It’ll be fine, as long as we go slowly.”

At this point, Mayuzumi isn’t even trying to hide the way he scowls. Because this guy really is _something_ to be kicking him in the balls like this _._ “… You are talking about books and driving, right?”

“Of course. Weren’t we talking about books and driving all along? My car can’t go over the speed bumps without the exhaust scraping if I carry people with your size. That’s from my experience.” Kuroko hums. Barely missing a beat, he gathers the files into his arms again and gets up from his seat, tapping them dismissively on the table. “We should hurry, Mayuzumi-san. I don’t wish to keep you waiting.”

Just as quick as usual, Kuroko vacates his seat in lieu of making his way towards the little partition by the corner, where it leaks out to some parking lot. Mayuzumi only keeps his eyes trained on Kuroko’s back, and not on the undetectable sway of Kuroko’s hips as he strides. _What an ass._

Then, he shrugs like he’s come to a conclusion.

_Looking back at it, you know your life is going wrong when your first meeting is in a stinking toilet, not on a rooftop with all the pretty sunlight glare on the camera. What next?_

(Next, of course, comes in the form of a [redhead running for presidency in Teikō](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2029833/chapters/4403682)—but that’s a story for another time.)

**/end**

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! *u* I hope you enjoyed Mayuzumi being... Mayuzumi and all the ~~dirty innuendo~~ ficbits in there.
> 
> If you're celebrating Christmas, I hope you'll have a very Merry Christmas ahead of you!


End file.
